Not what I was expecting at all

I just got home from vacation.

It wasn't a vacation.

At all.

Well sort off.

I saw a cousin get married. To a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful guy. It was a wonderful, happy time.
Marriages back home are a HUGE event.
Literally thousands of people attend the function. The entire function itself spreads many days. Fantastic food! (I've probably gained 10 lbs just from the 5 days of wedding food alone! It's impossible to resist I tell you!) Plus, the added bonus is that since the extended family gets together, you get to meet everybody - from great aunts and uncles and grandparents to the tiny tots (I discovered to my everlasting astonishment that I was an "Uncle" to half a dozen kids... ME! At my tender young age! An Uncle! Holy smokes! When did I get that old! LOL!) There was a good deal of humor over the fact that so many people assumed that I was my brother! I literally had to produce ID cards and drag my Father in to prove my identity! I had changed so much in six years - folks couldn't recognize me! Haha!

And then, the other HUGE plus point was that I finally got to meet my sister-in-law (my brother got married almost 2 and 1/2 years ago... but I was unable to attend the wedding because of nursing school). My sister-in-law is adorable - I'm so happy she is a part of our family. I even got to enjoy the hospitality of the in-laws. They have some 'characters' in their family too - all the more fun now! I had a great time! :-)

But on the other hand....

I had an acute attack of Gastroenteritis for about four days.
Preceded by the "head cold from hell" for about four days. All I could feel, smell and taste was phlegm. It was horrible.

My Mother was sick for half the time I was home - mostly stress related. Yet she refused to take time off from life in general - insisting that she couldn't. From her PoV she was right, and I knew it... but I hated it no less. I detested the pressures that "life" put on my Mother. My Mother has sacrificed a lot for many people... and many a time, I feel that she is not been acknowledged nor appreciated for that. My desire is for both my parents to retire and live a life of comfort - all the while knowing that such a desire is foolish... both my parents are work-a-holics. They'd go crazy if they had nothing to do!(and it seems like I have inherited some of it!)

My grandma passed away (my Father's mother. My maternal grandma passed away when I was in nursing school and I couldn't attend her funeral. As of now, my maternal grandpa is the only grandparent I have alive - my paternal grandparent having passed away years before I was even born).

My Father didn't take the news well (hell, is there ever a right time to lose your parent?) He has been sick on and off for a while now. I'm worried about him. My dear Father is a reserved man, he doesn't speak often... especially on matters of the heart. He is calm, quiet and reserved [the exact opposite of my dear Mother!] But he is a very sensitive man. Very loving. His anguish at the loss of his Mother was hard for me to bear - I may have lost a loving, dear grandmother, but he had just lost his beloved Mother. In the wee hours of the morning, I was called upon to be a nurse again. My Father had recently lost a mother-in-law and an elder sister. Outwordly, he attempts to be calm and measured - but I know he's hurting. They are a close knit bunch, my Father's family.

Did I mention that I needed 3 root canals? Yep, not one not two... three.

In the midst of all this chaos, I missed the comfort and company of some of my dearest friends. While I am a very friendly, approachable person by nature, I don't make friends that easily (sure, everybody is a "buddy" to me. But true "friends", I'm pretty selective). Despite uprooting my life and relocating half the world away in my teens, I adamantly spent a fortune keeping in touch with my friends. Yeah, I managed to meet some of them... but I missed seeing a couple.

And they hurt.
Because they hadn't seen me in many years.
And I hurt too - for the same reason.
There is still a longing in my heart.

*sigh* I need a vacation to get over this vacation...

Working Christmas

Every year, at Christmas time; I always volunteer to work.

I'm not a "believer" and hence don't celebrate the holiday.

To me, it's a simple equation - since I don't honor/celebrate the holiday anyway, why not let the person who does... have the night of so that s/he can spend it with their loved ones?

I've noticed that Thanksgiving and Christmas are two VERY special holidays in the United States (Easter comes close ) ...... despite the overtly crass commercialized versions on display .... and I always figure: "These are the only few times when families get together once a year. Be it religious or otherwise - why not help them at this time?"

Hence why I volunteer to work these holidays.
My only caveat? (I want 4th of July and New Year's off! ;-))


But when all is said and done ...

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. :-)
This coming year - may we all see a new era of peace amongst all mankind.

cheers,
Spook

Takin' a break...

Finally!

Nearly missed a flight at O'Hare. Had to make a mad dash through Heathrow...

.... but I made it all.

It's technically day 5 of my 3 week break.
I'll try and play catch up while I can...

Woman with only half a brain

Doctors treating a Chinese woman who complained of feeling weak discovered she only had half a brain.

The woman, 39, from Wuhan city, has lived a perfectly normal life and only came into hospital after she complained of feeling weak and stiff.

Zhang Linhong, director of Neural Rehabilitation Department at the local hospital, said: "On the MRI scans we were surprised to see that she only has grey matter on the right side.

Full story.

Now that is just plain plumb weired!

A new hope....

... maybe? I dunno.

I talked to the new director of the ED yesterday, asking her about RN jobs in the ED. She seemed receptive. Apparently there's a bunch of people leaving the ED - many of then NPs who have now graduated.

Will know in a week.

Status: AWOL

Haven't been blogging as much lately.

Since that co-worker quit, I've been pulling 68+ hr weeks at work. Money's been good but I honestly don't think it's worth it. Been badgering other department heads about jobs/openings but none seem forthcoming. I might have to re-locate.

Discussed the issue with some other folks (especially my Dad). Some big cities were discussed as options (indeed, some good jobs are open at present) but the whole "cost of living Vs income" discussion is where we're stalled at. I'm still hoping for a local job but I've made it quite clear that I'm not putting up with this anymore...

Besides that, there's been some personal stuff going on. Been trying to save money for my coming vacation at the end of this month (and funnily enough - spending that money like there's no tomorrow buying gifts and presents for folks back home).

I'm holding out for my vacation - hopefully three weeks will give me time to recharge. But I'm not staying at this joint forever. Nope. I maybe young and naive - but I'm no fool.

Guess who is here all week?

I don't need to give specifics, do I?


Case in point: It took me 20 fucking minutes to give a patient some insulin yesterday?
"Why", you wonder?

Because it took me that long to locate all the fucking keys! Yes - KEYS!

There is now a separate key for a locked drawer that holds the syringes, a separate key to a locked drawer that holds all the needles, a separate key to the lock on the fridge where the insulin is stored. On top of that, I now need two RNs: one to sign off on my computer MAR that I am indeed administering 2 fucking units of insulin and one to make sure that I indeed administered the medication as documented.

Everything has a lock on it now - IV bags, antibiotics ... even the blasted plastic cups you use to collect piss! The entire damned supply room is locked! Housekeeping is locked at night - big bad spill or blood all over the floor? Too fucking bad - because all the cleaning supplies are locked and no one has the keys!

Oh and did I mention that I can no longer leave myself signed on a computer - even if I'm stepping away just to administer a medication and will return right after? Of course not, there are shifty, shady characters hiding in the fucking ventilation ducts just waiting for me to step away so that they can pounce and read all kinds of privileged medical information ...


All this bullshit because you know who is in the facility. GAH!

I owe! I owe! So off to work I go...

Dang! It's been ages since I posted anything worthwhile.

One of our regular staff members handed in her notice. Remember how I stated night shift staffing was in dire straits before? That out of a total of 37 slots, we only had staff covering 17? That even with float pool picking up some of the slack we were still left short?

Well, it is only gonna get worse.

The past two weeks I've worked 6 days a week... my regular 3 12-hour shifts plus and extra 12 and an extra 8. Of course, I can say "no" - but I still have college debt to pay, my car loan, my rent, my utilities...

*sigh* In a way, I guess I'm lucky I don't have to provide for anyone else besides me or that I don't own property with a mortgage...


But what ever doubts I might have had about leaving this joint, the past month has erased it.
Completely.

Besides a couple episodes where I was chewed out for absurd reasons, management's rather "nonchalant" attitude about staffing the floor has convinced me. All I've heard are empty promises ("We're hiring new people" - well, instead of hiring 4 nurses, all we got was 1) and window dressing ("We're shuffling the shifts nursing techs work to provide better coverage" - sounds good and may actually help a little, but the elephant in the room is lack of adequate nursing staff).

The only thing the unit has going for it is the incredible camaraderie the nurses and techs on the shifts have for each other - despite the occasional back biting that goes on. Remember my buddy George? Well, he pretty much promised to hunt me down and kill me if I ever left him here at this joint all by himself. I think our bonds are formed out of the common sense of despair and of being shit over all the time by management. When I had a hard time getting management approval for my vacation this year (my first in over 4 years) - my co-workers on the 3rd/2nd shift, even though they were already short staffed and over worked; were the first to step up and offer to help.

I admit, that every time I think about "moving on", I have a twinge of remorse and guilt. I've enjoyed working with my co-workers and they are for the most part a fantastic, wonderful bunch. I mean, even through our horrid staffing and working conditions; we manage to have some fun along the way. Smile. Share a laugh. Commiserate over hard cases. Cover for and support each other.

But yet, I also realize; that my tolerance of current working conditions is morally unjustifiable. I've gone through the "proper channels" in-house in search of resolution... but the prevalent attitude seems to be one of "deal with crises as they come" rather than "why are we having constant crises?" As such, I'm convinced that trying to "change policy" in this instance is futile (and I'm usually the last person to say that - besides, I tried... and have been doing that for a while).

I never really wanted to work what I am working today anyway. Don't get me wrong, I have learned TONS and I mean TONS since I started working here. I love the challenges and what might seem perverse to some, I actually like the train wreck cases I'm assigned. But my heart was never into taking care of "adult" populations anyway - I've always wanted to work Pediatrics. Especially if it's "emergent pediatrics" (read: ER in a Pediatric Hospital)... but I don't mind working the floor in a Peds hospital or even a Peds ICU (not sure about NICU, but I suppose I could give it a crack).

So I've thought about new jobs - and relocating.


I know I'm going to relocate - but it's not going to be now. Not at least until summer of next year anyway.

And by then, who knows....

Doogie Howser on PCP?

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Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

--At lunch, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

--Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

--Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

--Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'in'.

--Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

--In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".

--Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".

--Don't use punctuation

--As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

--Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

--Sepcify that your drive thru order is to go.

--Sing along at the opera.

--Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

--Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

--Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

--Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

-- Get on the elevator & insist that everyone call you "Admiral."

--When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won, I won!"

--When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!"

--Tell your children over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go".